Gawker's Smear Campain Against Me

This morning my photo mysteriously appeared in a Gawker article outlining a political development proposed to slow the hedge fund rich from getting richer. The photo harmlessly/accidentally implies that I am one of these "tax avoiding" hedge funders (the term "funder" appears when you roll your cursor over my photo). Though I do not work for a hedge fund I will pretend to while I write this note.

Those of you that know me will have no difficulty spotting the abundance of hilarious irony. Could there possibly be another person who has shorted* Manhattan's cultural trajectory with more fervor? The vicious cycle of more tasteless money, higher rents, higher prices for everything, and less diverse inhabitants desiring less unique arts/food/services has turned Manhattan into New York's cultural bowl of smashed peanut shells. Go ahead and tax hedge fund performance fees by 20%, 30%, or 50% - Like that's gonna make any difference! Performance fees are only half the hedge fund payout equation. If you happen to be one who is somehow supported by the spume of these abundant capitalist treasures don't be worried. And even if DC does decide to raise taxes, don't believe that it will prevent a new deluxe high rise from towering over a neighborhood near you!

Your salary to the Nth power,
T. Boone Pickens

* 'Shorting' is hedge fund speak for betting that the price of a security will decline.
You might overhear a witty hedge funder utilizing this term in various non-financial contexts:
"Man, Marquee really sucks these days, I'm max short that place."
"You think she's hot? Where's your bid, I'm looking to put on a colossal short!"
"You live uptown? Man, downtown is totally where it's at, I'd short the hell out of above 14th street."