Party Notes from an East Village Walkup

VL was awarded the “Shoeless Joe Jackson” socks award despite disorienting judges with her half-eaten, half-frozen food gift.

MR “held back” as she couldn’t afford to be haggard for her Sunday night same-building shindig.

J and KH reminisced about their 2003 Pictionary title and looked forward to the aughts championship in Horseheads, NY next year.

With jaw dropped, KH listened as ES told fantastical stories of $4,000 glass lamps and headboards stretched as far as the eye could see.

After being repeatedly prodded for his “Wintarita” drink recipe KH effortlessly rattled off the ingredients in perfect proportion: 2 1/2 parts apple cider, 1 part tequila, 1/4 part lemon juice, 1/4 part orange liquor, and salt.

D floated like butterfly and stung like a bee.

In order to remember his address MA had always associated “that tool” KH with the “that tool” band 311. It ends up that KH actually lives at 411. GT wishes we all couldn’t have figured this out sooner.

M hearts Ethiopian Gin but abhors redundant/senseless elevator button pushers.

J and KW’s capoeira performance was severely hampered by the proximity of 65 people in a 650 square foot apartment.

SV diligently solicited for views on the economy only to receive tired drunken stares in return.

DL, MS, KH, and C swapped intelligence on the whereabouts of (free) chocolate milk and cider doughnuts in Brooklyn Heights.

MS misunderstood EV’s clever Ocean’s 14 reference as evidenced by his odd periscopy submarine hand gesture. He went on to kindly recommended warm weather art fair satellites and a lake for swimming.

MK told of a telling of a coming of age story.

JH expressed his frustration of enjoying media cultural no one else has heard of. Like the television show Dharma and Greg.

VA, M, and T stood atop their social networking ivory towers, casting down the faux nostalgia of their needy childhood hangers-on.

EV made pictures until age 11 and then “something happened.”

RM was convinced that SP and KH were siblings.

NG recommended flash bulb games in the dark, left, motorcycled O home, returned, then called out circumnavigating poseurs.

Party Notes from a West Village Walkup

EV took time off his busy Latin American art sale schedule to revel with other yogi partygoers and antagonize tie-wearing guests. His dancing bear beverage gift, born from "gnarled vines grown in adverse conditions,” was an appropriate metaphor for his against-all-odds rise to greatness.

HC was kind enough to procure a coppertop bottle of "handmade" Texan vodka. VLA "knew" Texas and "knew" vodka but never the two in combination.

Despite the jeers and controversy surrounding "The Quiz" AT and LM proved their love by finally prevailing in sudden death. The dynamic duo of SC and KW might have pulled it out had they remembered that "half-moon" was favored to "plow."

AWA and BC's gifts coincidentally coincided: one bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label with a set of "perfectly cubed" rubber ice cube trays. Upon viewing the bottle of Blue Label ST appropriately commented that KH "SURE has friends in this town!"

JG, dressed in a beautifully vintaged over jeans dress, came with "desert island treasure" tucked away in a magic marked manila envelope.

VLA's post-graduate level mastery of the English language prevented KH from understanding many of her quick-worded, quick-witted comments. Apparently, she and SC are now finished with law school.

An initially almost unrecognizable, shaky handed, trench coat clad VLO brought the corkscrew stemmed orange boutonniere of KH’s dreams. A few de-petaling hugs later SC and VLA helped him repin; this time with the pointy pin side up.

JR dazzled the kitchen crowd with his razor sharp mental math, dividing KH's 360 second time limit into minutes. 6 minutes.

Despite MA’s giddier than usual state, he failed to force KH into the XXXL sized gift depicting him as cured child bathing in brine.

SL and KH failed at making each other feel guilty for being "unavailable" during SL's looooong gardening leave.

MC to GT in regards to GT's upcoming vegetarian bbq: "You can't win friends with salad."

After spilling wine on the soon-to-be thrown out host sheets J kindly left his calling card and credit card beneath the "highly sought after" three dimensional Mario Brothers refrigerator magnets. KH WANTS THOSE MAGNETS.

After consuming one (or two) whole bottles of Knob Creek, CN lost, then quickly found his "perfectly fitting" jet black Agnes B. suit jacket.

JG took KH's "moistness wanted" feedback and delivered in SPADES. The cake was SO moist that some attendees mistook it for birthday pudding.

Though MC was about 2 minutes late on the cake delivery her AMAZING rendering gift more than made up for it.

KH was coerced into re-posing for what is apparently the most hilarious/ambiguous photo of him on the internet. Except this time it was while holding a raspberry blue FLA-VOR-ICE instead of a Rocket Popsicle.

VV was KH's many-years-ago massage therapist, not masseuse. Massage therapists are not masseuses.

"A" astounded and allured the crowd with her voluminous head of crimped hair and psychedelic colored tights.

With a little non-attendee help KH successfully guilted DA into coming by with her new beau.

SV seemed preoccupied with his then weeklong shopping preparation for an upcoming country western themed wedding. KH was surprised that he had never heard of a bolo tie.

MS, B, EC, and others aided in the process of de-walling the apartment's paint encrusted transatlantic telegraph wire.

In the Cocteau Twins discography AW pointed to "Blue Bell Knoll" as the album that defined their sound. KH was disappointed for never having heard this album but then acquired it the following day.

CF kindly complimented KH's personable "stranger in a strange land" demeanor before inquiring his availability for future party jobs.

LJ's ghost within a child's mind within an artist's mind will be framed and prominently displayed in short order.

*KH had a great 30th and is very grateful for all his FANTASTIC friends.

Party Notes from a Park Slope Townhouse

SK didn’t mind sporting birthday jangles at first but later decided to turn off the blinking kissy lips broach after one guest had a fit of epilepsy.

KH strained to locate the apiary but when he found it AW was quite pleased. Little did either of them know that KH’s intended destination was actually the aviary.

PC’s serendipitous pear, strawberry, Guinness, and coffee cocktail brought only jeers and confused looks from the creatively unappreciative audience.

MB opined on the cocktail party uselessness of his chemistry PHD but then was nowhere to be found when PC and KH tried to recall the spicy food chemical “capsaicin.” (KH should have invited PM).

SK and KH were secretly happy they forgot to wear cowboy shirts.

T, L, A, and J all sported glossy “linen” nail polish applied in preparation for their recent trip to Key West. J wasted no time in “perversely” biting her’s off, thread by thread.

JS and KS became regrettably entangled in TW’s ten minute “6 degrees of Adelaide separation” tale as they were hurriedly leaving the party. Mysteriously, KS and TW were connected via the lead singer of The Coors.

SD attempted to figure out JD’s “physicality” type but could only conjure up celebrity comparisons that were lost on him and the crowd.

MO’s quandary over “finding a boyfriend” seemed odd given that her male specifications of “tall, thin, and having a sense of humor” encompassed about 85% of the population.

LT’s embarrassedly blushed cheeks answered KH’s question of whether she had ever bathed nude or would consider it. Surprisingly, LT and LT2 never knew that they lived blocks from a ferry that would take them to such a beach.

Party Notes from a Tribeca Loft

ST’s sms impression coincided with the surprise of revelers’ that the Queen of Spain’s pied-a-terre was actually “a sports bar.”

ES opined credibly on the political economy, explaining how asset markets would react to the results of the 2008 electoral season. Regarding his job search he profoundly admitted to knowing “what strategy WAS but not knowing what WASN’T strategy.”

LM padded her “cross-pollinating” stats by introducing D to KH for the 5^th time then took a brief break from her second night-in-a-row of preoccupiedness to dance to Tiffany’s ‘I Think We’re Alone Now.’

GB was still recovering from mopping mashed up Bushwick chocolates from the previous night’s piñata thrashing. (Thought bubble) “What am I supposed to do with all this mirrored plexiglass now?”

S quickly retracted his congratulatory record scratch hand motion after mistaking random shuffle cds for KH’s phantom dj debut.

Atop the great sushi pyramids E described NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN as “glib” but KH and HP couldn’t figure out why (HP saw the film TWICE). E got drunk with power after a triumphant 80s music coup deluded her into believing that “Come Sail Away” by Styx was actually a good dance song.

KY cutely posed for a mock Air Italia ad, not missing a beat after slip sliding on Johnson Street until the wee hours of the previous night.

Aided by CB’s coat hanger divining abilities, HP showed off her pipe cleaning skills while eloquently defending Paul Dano’s performance in THERE WILL BE BLOOD. KH then appropriately punned that “there will be bud.”

CB obliged to HP’s request for his digits only under the condition that calls would be strictly for “business.” CB admitted to being given the open door but decided to “unscrew the hinges instead.” KH found it odd that HP was ordering pizza so late in the evening despite all the available leftover food.

VLA tried to give the impression of disappointment when Louie the Chimp "copped a feel or two;" BL matter-of-factly remarked that Louie “puts all these girls to shame;” and KH never figured out how much you're supposed to tip a chimp in a tuxedo shirt.

KH wondered where all VLO’s pent up dancing energy came from and why ST and JR don’t take her out more often.

KH was simultaneously shocked, relieved, and happy that CL, the cabaret singer of 'Toothbrush Time', was a PHD in economics. CL and KH sniggered at the fact that Daffy’s, the retail source of KH's sweater and other "Bargains for Millionaires," actually has layaway.

KH wishes AT a happy 30^th birthday.